on raising boys

I listened to a podcast on CBC tonight speaking with Dr. Leonard Sax, author of Boys Adrift. He raises five issues on why boys are having a hard time succeeding in school and in life:

The Five Factors Driving the Decline of Boys

Video Games. Studies show that some of the most popular video games are disengaging boys from real-world pursuits.

Teaching Methods. Profound changes in the way children are educated have had the unintended consequence of turning many boys off school.

Prescription Drugs. Overuse of medication for ADHD may be causing irreversible damage to the motivational centers in boys’ brains.

Endocrine Disruptors. Environmental estrogens from plastic bottles and food sources may be lowering boys’ testosterone levels, making their bones more brittle and throwing their endocrine systems out of whack.

Devaluation of Masculinity. Shifts in popular culture have transformed the role models of manhood. Forty years ago we had Father Knows Best; today we have The Simpsons.

~ Dr. Leonard Sax

You can also read more about it on the Times Online.

'Significance' and Community

I've been thinking about how the way that we judge people as 'significant' impacts the way in which we incorporate people into our communities.

We tend to assume that people are valuable and significant when they have high economic, political or "religious" power and/or worth. This leaves people like the First Nations of the North America, who have much to teach us, for instance, on the subject of restorative justice out of the picture. It leaves out the stay-at-home mom, the young single mom on welfare, or the elderly. It also leaves out people like my friend's daughter Jasmine, who has Down's Syndrome, or our son, who lived for just three weeks. By failing to realize the values of those whose positions are not high and mighty, we fall into a trap - a trap we share with good company:

Mark 9:33-35

Who is Greatest?

They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, "What were you arguing about on the road?" But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.

Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all."

As we try to build community, I think we need to learn to value significance according to non-economic, non-political, and even non-religious ways. Jesus welcomed the children, blessed the bleeding woman, raised young girls from the dead, and sat with the woman at the well. He allowed the prostitute to anoint his body with perfume and declared in her defense that wherever his story was told, hers would be told also. On the flip side, he doesn't have much time for the religious leaders of his day, he tells the rich landowner to sell all he has, give it to the poor and come follow him, and he seems non-plussed by his audience with Pilate.

'Significance' and 'value' - just like so many other things - look different in the Kingdom. The question becomes, how do they look in our community?

Coping with civilisation

Although homo sapiens as a species has been in it's current form for perhaps 200,000 years, we've only very recently, in evolutionary terms, had to start coping with modern inventions like civilisation and agriculture. It struck me on the underground in London yesterday that I was surrounded by people whose bodies had evolved to be suited to hunting and gathering on the African savanna in small nomadic groups of perhaps 150. Yet there were more people than that crammed in upright as tight as sardines in a rickety tin box hurtling beneath the streets of London. And bizarrely enough, no one was trying to kill anyone else. It sometimes amazes me how flexible we human beings must be to be able to cope with such rapidly changing environments. Although the 10,000 odd years since the dawn of agriculture and civilisation may be a long time in historical terms, it's the blink of an eye as far as evolution is concerned. We've not had time for our bodies to adapt to things like agrarian diets, or sitting in office cubicles, and yet somehow we manage!

And yet, sometimes I wonder if perhaps our entire race is still processing what must have been a profoundly psychologically traumatic circumstance of the change from hunter-gatherer to agrarian society.

(The artwork is by Banksy, a very interesting British grafitti artist.)

an example of what can be done in community

What would you say if I described a community that lived together in houses comprised of families, couples and singles successfully over ten to thirty years?

What if I told you that this community, over a period of ten years, welcomed over 300 unmarried women who could not afford maternity care and did not have any support systems, to live and work alongside them, and be tended to, for free, by some of the country's best midwives?

What if I added that those midwives (part of the community) had pioneered techniques that lowered the cesarean rate their community from the over 25% it is in most U.S. hospitals down to just over 1%? That they had also reduced the birth interventions (forceps, vacuum extraction) rate down to 0.55%? Or that they had an almost 100% breastfeeding success rate and had reduced the incidence of post-partum depression from 10 - 20% down to less than 1%?

What if I also added that they had seen emotional and relational healing in the midst of women giving birth?

This starts to sound pretty cool, doesn't it?

This is what I discovered when I recently read Ina May Gaskin's book, "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth", which includes over a hundred pages of stories of birth at The Farm - a secular, hippie, intentional community in Tennessee. While there is much that I probably wouldn't agree with in the practices of The Farm (shared marriage being very high up there!) I felt truly challenged by the effectiveness of this community, particularly as they sought to find a way to care for the over 2000 women who gave birth in their community.

Just something to think about. Oh, and if you're interested in childbirth, or pregnant (or have a wife who is pregnant) this book is WELL worth a read!

Goth Eucharist

Wow. I attended a Goth Eucharist last night. Held in St. Edward King and Martyr Church, Cambridge, the birthplace of the English Reformation, it was a profound experience.
Sitting next to the pulpit where the first English reformers preached from. Listening to Pink Floyd and VNV Nation. Letting the words of the Anglican liturgy roll over me in a dark, candlelit nave. Going out to the bar afterwards to debate theology, artificial intelligence and quantum mechanics with a bunch of Cambridge post-grads. I only wish I'd found out about this service earlier.

While I wouldn't classify myself as 'goth', I do appreciate the goth aesthetic. And it was both intriguing to attend church as a cultural 'outsider', and also to experience a service that didn't require it's congregants to reject their own culture before attending. In fact, it was perhaps the most accessible church event I've been to in a long time. I met people who described themselves variously as christian, agnostic and atheist, and yet everyone seemed able to engage with the service to the level they felt comfortable.

All in all a fascinating evening.

Genocide in "Christian" Africa

Even before the recent events in Kenya, countries in Africa that boast some of the highest rates of "Christians" have had a mind-numbingly painful few decades of genocide. In the 1990's it was Rwanda and Uganda, earlier this decade it was Nigeria (still not a "safe" place), and this year it is Kenya (though this is not by a long shot the first time that Kenya has been politically volatile to the point of death). Many would attest to the devastation that has occurred in South Africa as well. Few remember now the intractable wars between Ethiopia and Eritrea. Although there is much political instability and violence in other parts of Africa, just these few examples are enough to make the strikingly painful point: although Christian missionaries "succeeded" in "evangelising" Africa, I fear they failed to disciple Africa.

And I make this point, not to criticise African Christians, but to point out the grave danger we put ourselves in when we fail at discipleship.

When the Hutus and the Tutsis were slaughtering one another to death in 1993, there were Christians at the heart of this bloodshed on both sides. But although these Christians had been taught to come to church dressed in their Sunday (western clothes) best, to give their tithe to the church, and to have a committed, personal relationship with Christ, they had obviously not been taught to love their neighbour as themselves.

Which brings me to my second point: we're not only failing at deep discipleship, we're failing right at the beginning.

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question:

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Matthew 22:34 - 39, NIV

I think it is always much easier to look at what is happening elsewhere and criticise the situation there, without realising what is happening in our own back yards. While the impact of a lack of discipleship has been felt in huge ethnic violence in Africa over the past twenty years, that same lack of discipleship is having a considerable impact on the "Christianity" of Britain and North America.

I don't think that we can wait for some magic program to come along to make discipleship easy. For so long we've "left it to the professionals", but the job simply isn't being done. Discipleship is the mandate of every Christian. (see Matthew 28:16 - 20) Lets not wait until we have another bloodbath. We must - around the world - seek to make disciples of every nation, tribe and people - including the ones your nation/tribe/people don't like very much. (By the way, I don't think you can make disciples without loving people, which might mean you'll have to love those nations/tribes/people that your culture isn't so keen on. Which might mean we ourselves need to go deeper in our own discipleship as a first step).

"Getting back to our 'Christian Roots'"

As a North American (and I hear this in Britain as well), I have frequently heard churches calling for their congregations, and their nations to come back to their 'Christian Roots'. As an historian, I cringe inside. This is why: I believe there is a very strong case to be made for the fact that none of these countries (Canada, America or Britain) was founded on Christian principles.

Canada
To start with my own home. Canada, even if you only consider its inception as a "country" from the point at which it was colonized by European settlers, was never founded on any principles of Christianity. It was founded on the principles of "taking as much cod from the ocean, furs from the animals, trees from the forests, and minerals from the ground" as possible (economic self-interest). It was founded on the principle of "we're trying to make peace after the 30 years' war, and France would rather have a couple of small islands than take the colonies of northern North America, so they will become British colonies". It was founded on the principle of "we're lots of little, very spread out British colonies, with no hope of economic survival without a transportation hub, so could we please just get along long enough to build a railroad almost 10,000 km long?" Canada has been settled by people from many faiths, including most of the world's Christian denominations. But that does not make Canada a Christian country. Our legal framework was taken almost primarily from the British framework, but that doesn't make it a Christian legal framework. And our parliamentary democracy, whilst not being specifically muslim, hindi, sikh or taoist (to name just a few of the alternatives) is not Christian. It is, and has always been secular.

America
America was colonised by many groups over the years - including anabaptists fleeing religious persecution from within Europe. However, by the time the War of Independence came along the issues were, once again, much more economic and political than religious. Americans were frustrated by the control the British parliament exercised over the taxation of goods sent to America. They were also frustrated by the lack of control they were able to exercise over their own political decisions. Several generations of "pull-themselves-up-by-their-bootstraps" immigrants had worked exceedingly hard to turn what was previous Native American land into a clean, wide-open spaces version of the Europe they had left behind. These new Americans lived to survive at first, but eventually dreamed dreams of independence and financial success. Being under the hand of a powerful overlord did nothing for their ability to succeed. The American Declaration of Independence begins with the following preamble:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

I think it is valuable to note that this language is very similar to that used during the French Revolution, just a few years previously. This is Enlightenment Era Revolution speak, and is not firmly based on that of any religion.

Britain
Even if we go back to the forefather of both of these not-so-Christian countries, I would argue that while Britain has had an official state church for more than a thousand years, its founding (whether you choose the Norman conquests, the Danish conquests, the Saxon conquests or any of the other waves of conquest the British Isles were subject to over its history), I would argue, was always one of economics and politics rather than religion. Britain was an island. At a time (anytime before the 20th century, really) where international success relied heavily on easy shipping routes and good maritime skills, Britain was an important point to control. And although the church tried at times during the Middle Ages to bring its power to bear over the actions of British Kings, it was never really successful, and under King Henry VIII, the power of the church over political affairs was effectively crushed by taking away church lands (and therefore revenues), as well as removing the Church of England from the power of the Pope (who the church had previously been able to run to in matters of political disagreement with the King).

So if we really wanted to get back to our North American and British roots, we would get back to making decisions based on economic self-interest and political expediancy. As it stands, I would much rather move forward to make disciples than swoon about in grief over the loss of a nation or culture that never truly existed.

Generosity and the Gospel

One of the little things I have noticed in darkening the dozens (am I up to hundreds, yet?) of church doors in Europe and North America is the way in which food and hospitality are approached. There are some churches I have been to which have put on completely open, hugely generous potluck dinners for their communities. Others have put on fancy catered dinners (at prices almost always beyond my means). Still others have carefully arranged "bring and share" dinners, often accompanied by much stress and attempts to "control" what comes.

At a different level, I have witnessed the churches with a stingy cup of coffee after the service accompanied by a begging bowl all the way through to churches who lay on a spread of nibbles, juice, tea (herbal/regular/decaf) and coffee, and pass around a basket full of chocolates for all to take instead of asking for contributions during the offering.

I think if we want to make a difference in the postmodern world, then one of our hallmarks needs to be that of generosity. It is my opinion that without a generous spirit, there is little to attract someone towards us. Lets face it, the secular world is talking about gift economies. Software programmers contribute hundreds and thousands of hours each year to developing open source (free!) software. The following is a quote from the sqlite website in place of the usual long list of licensing rules that most software comes attached with:

May you do good and not evil.
May you find forgiveness for yourself and forgive others.
May you share freely, never taking more than you give.

The concept of gift economies is being explored in some of the alternative cultures in North America, including the Burning Man Festival.

I think we have to seriously consider the importance of generosity to the authenticity of our message, if we are to be effective in evangelism. I think we need to consider it in two different ways:

1. The direction of our generosity. For years we have been told to "give 10% to the church", but I would have a hard time disagreeing with the person who said that giving to the church was the same as giving to yourself. A truly generous act is one that you do not expect to be repaid to you.
   
2. The attitude in which we give. Giving out of compulsion is not the same as giving freely. I am reminded of the chorus we sang when I was little:

   God forgave my sins, in Jesus name / I've been born again, in Jesus name / And in Jesus name, I come to you / To share his love, as He told me to. / He said, "freely, freely you have received, / Freely, freely give. / Go in my name and because you believe / Others will know that I live." by Carol Owens

   
   It may be a cheerful chorus from the 70's, but I think it has something worth remembering hidden within it. Our gifts must be completely free of strings attached. If churches are to give out hampers, than they cannot come with an assumption that recipients will attend church on Sunday. If we are to invite people in to our lives, it must be first and foremost filled with a desire to give wholeheartedly to them, regardless of whether they ever express any interest towards giving back to us, or towards a relationship with Christ.
   

Hopefully none of this is revolutionary to you - I just wanted to share what I had been thinking about.

Further ideas on "not church planting"

Some of the things we are initially committing ourselves to do in Barrie include:

• Committing ourselves to the city. We have been nomads for quite a while, and have learned that the biggest danger of being a nomad is feeling that we cannot commit to a place or, more importantly, to relationships within a given place. As such, we feel that it is very important that we commit ourselves to staying in Barrie for the long haul.
• As we're committing ourselves to the city, we also want to get to know the city. Some of our ideas include:
• going around the garage sales by bicycle this summer, choosing one area each week to focus on
• taking each of the bus routes throughout the city, noticing the houses, the people who use the bus, the ease of getting from one neighbourhood to another, or into the city centre
• taking a picnic and eating down by the beach as often as possible - building relationships over the sandcastles, in the lake and at the park
• print a large-scale map of the city and put it up in the study, separating the city into different areas and praying for them one at a time
• going around to as many of the local churches as possible and getting to know who they are, what ministries they are involved in, and how they perceive what is happening in the city
• attending the weekly farmers' market, and getting to know the "regulars"
• meeting the local homeschooling networks, and getting to know, through them, what is available for children, and building relationships across the city through homeschooling events
• my personal favourite - baking up a big batch of cookies and taking them around to the neighbours on our street to introduce ourselves when we first get to Barrie - and continuing to do so as the houses on our street go up and new people move in
• organize weekly bar-b-q's for the street during the summer
• build relationships with public health nurses, midwives and other doula's through my work in completing my doula course
  

Dreaming of Reaching (some! of) the 90%

A couple of pastors we know - one in England and one in Canada - have in the last few years mentioned an interesting fact. According to these guys, the way church is currently being done will only reach 10% of any given area. No matter how many cool programs, how many interesting sermons, big name preachers or big-scale building projects we put on. There are 90% of the population who will remain completely unreached through the concept and place of church.

So how do we reach the 90%? Presumably whatever the answer is, it will take place outside of the remit, scope, building and practice of the church. I don't think it will be enough to simply create a "house church" or have a Saturday evening service. I suspect that might catch a few percentage points, but what about the rest? Because if the intention is to "go and make disciples", then surely it doesn't matter whether we create church-attenders or not, or whether these people ever learn the words to such sterling classics as "We Wanna See Jesus Lifted High" and "Shine, Jesus, Shine", does it? Presumably we will need to increasingly be creative, seeking to stretch the boundaries, building relationships outside of our comfort zones, inviting people in to our own homes, to live alongside our lives.

I have this feeling that we are personally being called to the 90%, not to the 10%. As such, I think we may well be being called to develop a Christian Community in Barrie. We have talked about whether that means being "church planters". And although we are moving into an area with not one church within walking distance (the closest is about 5 miles away - and its a little country church that has just been swallowed by a new housing development), I am very reticent to use the word "church planters" to describe what I want to be involved in. I would be absolutely thrilled if, over the years, a steady stream of people met Jesus within the walls of our home, were discipled in a sailboat or outtrip in Muskoka, and watched their lives change through the power of the Holy Spirit infiltrating their hearts, minds and relationships. I don't, however, necessarily expect that work to have a noticeable impact on the number of people attending local churches in Barrie. This is a hard one to explain to pastors! :) It doesn't fit neatly into denominational titles or national evangelism objectives. But I don't think we can introduce the 90% to the gospel without thinking completely outside the box.

authentic evangelism

Trevor and I have both spent time doing door-to-door evangelism. We've both stood on street corners and handed out tracks. I've counselled at Billy Graham crusades, and we've both done evangelism meetings with our local churches. And all of those experiences happened a long time ago, and leave us slightly embarrassed just thinking about them! :)

In spite of the fact that we can no longer happily pass out copies of the "Four Spiritual Laws" with any degree of honesty or integrity, we still believe very much that a relationship with God is something worth sharing - something that will truly act as a blessing to those around us.

In light of that fact, we've been asking ourselves "what would an authentic evangelism really look like?" Put another way, "how could we most honestly and lovingly introduce people to relationship with Christ?" Or again, "what is a conceivable explanation of the gospel that can be said with a straight face?"

All of these are just nascent questions at the moment. I think that our current position has become one of "show, don't tell" and perhaps, if pushed, to answer the questions people are asking. But I know we're still thinking about this one ...

Working out Spiritual Growth in the Context of Community

This is a subject that I've been trying to write about for more than a month now - and actually the root of my recent writer's block. I've been thinking for a long time about the fact that many of the spiritual disciplines that we are encouraged to practice, and much of our spiritual discipleship process, fall down by the individualisation we so often insist upon. Put another way, I am beginning to wonder whether it is possible that effective spiritual discipleship cannot exist outside of community.

And by 'community' I don't simply mean going to church on a Sunday morning. I have been noticing that my prayers are both easier to approach, and feel more real when they take place shared with another. I have noticed that my interest in reading the Bible is sharpened by relationship with others on this journey. I have seen my faith deepen as I have had to trust into God's hands other people's hurts, pains and problems - even from far away.

So I've been thinking that if community is such a positive catalyst towards discipleship and spiritual connection, that it really needs to be community - not programs or buildings or anything else - that we are striving towards.

Quiet Garden Trust

I spent last Tuesday morning finding out more about the Quiet Garden Trust, as there is a Quiet Garden close by to where we are staying here in England. My curiosity about them was peaked when I heard that there focus was on creating places of prayer and hospitality, and I felt that there might be something valuable to learn from them.

What I found was a beautiful old house, built on land that was once part of the Chertsey Abbey. Apparently some of the stones that were used to build their house came from the ruins of the Abbey (which, like many monastic communities, was destroyed during the Dissolution of the Monasteries in the mid-sixteenth century.)

The couple who owns the home, offers it as a place of quiet meditation and prayer throughout the week, and at times has offered a program of retreat and quiet days for church groups. They have cultivated a very good relationship with all of the five local churches in their village, and have managed to include representatives from each of these churches on their advisory board. As such, they are able to enjoy a breadth and depth of teaching and practice on the subject of prayer in particular (which is their personal focus). They use both the inside of their home as well as their extensive gardens to facilitate their ministry.

There are Quiet Garden Trust sites all over the world, including in Canada and the United States. I am encouraged by their existence, and though I know that what we are being called to is different, I am very grateful to have been able to meet them and hear their story!

Paul Hobbs

I was introduced last week to the work of an artist that others might be interested in. His name is Paul Hobbs, and he lives in England. My favourite piece is called "Between the Image and the Flame", as seen on the right. I would encourage you to take some time to view some more of his work. Many of his pieces are available as very affordable prints. His website is: http://www.arthobbs.com/index.php